Posts (page 2)

What's holding you back from your dream job?
Submitted by Question of the Day.

An unwillingness to commit to seclusion.  My dream job is a park interpreter for a national park.  Doing that means living on site far, far away from most civilization.  I'd like to live in a bigger city for awhile and I'd like to move around much more before I let the parks have me.

After talking to both Rain and Mike (woooo! Look at me go with the communication thing!) all three of us are agreed on going ahead with the plans to move to California, but I will live in my own place.  I will also take the two kittens, since Roth is mine and Raven is a bastard to Sephren.  We will do the move together, it'll just be far easier and cheaper to do it with our combined financial forces.  The good thing about the separate place thing which I will never admit to Rain, is that I look forward to decorating in entirely my way.  I like the look of our gothy little condemned house, but I do enjoy honoring my hick side with a bit of a rustic look.  I also enjoy natural light.

In a burst of luck, one of Rain's navy friends just got out and is going to be living in the LA area and will help us find places and jobs.  Thank god (any) for connections.

I was talking to Rain about all things logistical yesterday and she brought up the ridiculousness of paying rent here while I'm in Wyoming, especially since we'll be leaving so soon after I get back.  So as soon as I get confirmation of a job in Yellowstone I'm gonna give Janie my 30 days notice.  The plan is for me to rent a storage unit, pack up everything I'm taking to California but not Yellowstone, and let it sit there for much less of a cost.  While I'm gone Mike and Rain will be slowly filling the unit as well, so that when moving time comes, most everything will already be packed.  This also means I can save a fuck of a lot of money, which is very, very good.

We are also going to have a yard sale, because I know the value of having other people pay you for stuff and for them to haul it away, and I just don't want to make that many loads to Goodwill.

On the boy front: Lars/Blade and I talk almost every day but I'm still at the 'he likes me far more than I like him' stage.  I like him, that doesn't mean instant commitment, nor does it mean that I'm not moving to California.  If he likes me that much he can move down too.  That little lack of any compromise is spurred by him saying that he could get me to change my mind about moving, which I thought was very presumptuous considering we've been around each other for a total of three days and only talking since. 

Is going fairly well.  Already there is a positive dynamic shift and I don't feel like I'm not allowed to talk.  I'm still heading back to Wyoming, despite feeling a little guilty about it.  Not for my roommates sake, but for my clients sake.  I work with developmentally disabled adults and the clients that I work with really enjoy me for the most part, one in particular.  When I got hired the company asked me to commit to about a year simply because the clients get attached, at the time I didn't forsee that being a problem, but now...  So I feel a little bad in that respect, but I recognize that for my own mental health I need to go, not to mention that Rain and Mike simply need space as a couple which is something that I can't give them entirely as long as I live here.  So it'll be good for everybody.

On another front, I talked to my mother for 45 minutes last night without blowing up and only having one tense spot (over finances).  This is a vast improvement over the last three months.  I ended up telling her about Blade/Lars and felt like she might shake to pieces with happiness.  I'm fairly sure she was convinced I'd decided to live celibate.  On a more annoying note she was having second thoughts about moving to San Diego, for which I was thanking all the powers of the universe, and then went and saw Nim's Island and got inspired.  So her moving plans are back on.  I seriously think she's going to just drive south and try to find a job.  This won't turn out well.

What have you lost that you wish you still had?
Submitted by gunderson bee.

Half of my original set of the Chronicles of Narnia.  I'm missing two or three of them and the set I got to replace them has that irritating "Now a feature film!" thing on them.  Also, my old ones weren't so fancy, and the pages didn't have the annoying glossy super thick thing going on that I dislike.  Also, bad glare if I'm reading under a lamp at night.

I officially protest the return of this evil snow that is blanketing the town.  It's three days from April, I do not approve.

Spring Mysteries Festival.  Is over.  I'm relieved and sad at the same time.  I'm just barely recovering from the lack of sleep and the shock of reentry and still reeling from all the emotional stuff of the weekend.  A lot of positive movement was made.  I did the Adult Affirmation of Path, Skyclad, and the Lesser and Greater mysteries of Demeter.  Strictly speaking I shouldn't have been able to see the Greaters, but since I'm moving before the next SMF, exceptions were made for both Mike and I.  The AAoP was one of those things that forces you (in a literal sense here) to find out what you despise about yourself and gets you to let go of it/fix it/start to change it.  I cried through a lot of it.  Skyclad is just ritual in the nude.  It turned out to be far more fun than I thought it would be and helped me deal with some of my body issues.  I was pretty shocked that it was enjoyable, but hey, that's why we try new things.  The Lessers and Greaters had much more comic relief than I thought, which was nice because the subject matter was so serious, and gory in places.  I saw and heard some things that I will never be able to forget.  I also had a chat with Aphrodite.  And Dionysis.  That was nice.

Annnnd off to work.

What's the one thing you're most neurotic about?

Taking a shower every single morning.  I could have taken a shower at night six hours before waking up and will still feel like I need another. 

If you could go back and change one thing you've done in your life, what would it be?
Submitted by Devinoid

 

When I didn't throw a bigger fit about Mom dating so soon after Dad died.  I knew was a bad idea but didn't say anything.  I wish I had.  Now look where she is, divorced and without her retirement.

Speaking of myself right now, because I just went out and got my neck pierced.  It's this beautiful little surface piercing right on the back of my neck above the necklace line and I love it.  I'll post a picture once it's less red.

Love!

I'm not sure if I mentioned that Mom is back in the psych ward, but she has been since last week. I talked to her today and aside from making me feel guilty about not calling enough, she said she'd likely be in there another week. Also, since Tom has been calling almost nonstop she has decided that the engagement is back on and will be moving to San Diego.

I'm just gonna say it: I don't feel like sharing a state with her. It's horrible and selfish, especially since she seems to have found love, but I just don't want to deal with her anymore. Her problems suck me dry and after a while it's too much to deal with.

There's also the small part of me that's saying "That was MY idea dammit! Get your own!".  Also since neither Mike, nor Rain read this blog, I'll say what I'm thinking.  I'm secretly (well not so secretly anymore) terrified that they'll decide they don't want me to move with them.  That would destroy me, because at this point that is my entire goal in life.  To get out of here and to have friends to do it with.  I'm mostly sure this is just emotional backlash from all the mom stuff.  The part of me that isn't sure keeps thinking of how they almost never talk about California anymore and when I bring it up the topic gets changed fairly quickly.  I do know how over sensitive I can be when I'm upset and worried however, so I'll just keep worrying until it's either confirmed or denied.  Abandonment has become this huge fear and I can't turn it off.

I'm reading back over it and it sounds horribly petty. The issue is that there has been so much other stuff that I'm having a hard time letting go of that this is just more than I can accomodate. I just wanted to be able to wave good bye to Washington and all the things it represents for awhile.

The other thing that I noticed talking to her was a lack of that perkiness that has always been there previously, even during past psych ward visits. I'm sure a large portion of that is her being solidly diagnosed as bi-polar. The paranoid part of my brain is convinced that that a dream I had a few months ago where Mom committed suicide is going to come true.

And to add some icing on the cake, I got a nasty burn at work today. Damn pressure cooker.